


the avengers take twitter

by Emmeline_Arden



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: BAMF Pepper Potts, Bisexual Peggy Carter, Bisexual Pepper Potts, Bisexual Peter Parker, Bisexual Steve Rogers, Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV) References, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Gay Bruce Banner, Gay Bucky Barnes, Gay Harley Keener, Humor, Lesbian Author, Lesbian Natasha Romanov, M/M, Pansexual Thor, Pansexual Tony Stark, Some Plot, Somewhere, The Avengers Are Good Bros, Twitter, so am I, the avengers are useless gays, yall in quarantine enjoy this
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-19
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:41:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23219440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emmeline_Arden/pseuds/Emmeline_Arden
Summary: Trending1. #SteveGetTwitter2. #WhoIsHarley3. #SpidermanGotTwitter4. #GladImDeaf5. #KidISaidNoTwitterthe avengers are a bunch of useless gays who love fucking with each other and documenting it on twitter.
Relationships: Bruce Banner/Thor, Clint Barton & Natasha Romanov, Harley Keener/Peter Parker, James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers, Michelle Jones/Shuri, Peggy Carter/Natasha Romanov, Pepper Potts/Tony Stark, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 66
Kudos: 591





	1. #SteveGetTwitter

bite me @peggy  
has anyone seen my wife?????

deaf but not dead @the_lucky_pizza_hawk  
no definitely not where could she be

bite me @peggy  
clint spill

i will cut you @blackwidowbaby  
look behind you

bite me @peggy  
update: @blackwidowbaby is getting a bell

i will cut you @blackwidowbaby  
kinky

bite me @peggy  
shut the fuck up natasha

i will cut you @blackwidowbaby  
make me

deaf but not dead @the_lucky_pizza_hawk  
update: very glad im deaf

-

biderman @the_spider-man  
sup, nyc?

mel knows @meeelllsss  
are you a fan acc

biderman @the_spider-man  
no

flash @spideysbitch  
prove it

biderman @the_spider-man  
k

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
yes, @the_spider-man is the real deal. also, kid, i said no twitter

biderman @the_spider-man  
oops?

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
wait if spidey is bi i have a chance

biderman @the_spider-man  
harls wtf ur literally my boyf

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
but i have a chance

you’re in crisis @callmemj  
shut up harley

Spidey’s No. 1 Fan @spideyfan  
who the fuck is harley

biderman @the_spider-man  
a babe

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
a menace

Iron Maiden @onespicypepper  
a child

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
you know you love me @i_am_iron_man

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
grudgingly.

-

bucket @thecooljames  
you guys help me get steve on twitter

bite me @peggy  
#SteveGetTwitter

caw caw bitches @imthefalcon  
#SteveGetTwitter oldass

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
#SteveGetTwitter

-

Trending  
1\. #SteveGetTwitter  
2\. #WhoIsHarley  
3\. #SpidermanGotTwitter  
4\. #GladImDeaf  
5\. #KidISaidNoTwitter


	2. seductive lord of thunder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> thor is upset and flash gets a beatdown

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i have zero clue what i'm doing here but it's fun so enjoy!

screw lab safety @dontpokethegreengiant  
someone tell thor it’s movie night

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
it’s movie night and y’all didn’t invite me????? rude @i_am_iron_man

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
in my defense i also was not invited

screw lab safety @dontpokethegreengiant  
@i_am_iron_man and @deathbypotato neither of you are dating me, and its date night.   
do the math.

Iron Maiden @onespicypepper  
@dontpokethegreengiant I told Thor, he’s on his way.

screw lab safety @dontpokethegreengiant  
thanks pepper

seductive lord of thunder @sparklefingers  
NO ONE TOLD ME UNICORNS WERE EXTINCT ON MIDGARD

fite me @peterparkour  
wait, mr thor, does that mean asgard has unicorns???

seductive lord of thunder @sparklefingers  
many more thAN MIDGARD

fite me @peterparkour  
can i go with you next time? it’s for science

seductive lord of thunder @sparklefingers  
of course mini stark

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
no going to asgard without an adult

fite me @peterparkour  
mr thor is an adult

screw lab safety @dontpokethegreengiant  
debatable. do i count?

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
maybe

screw lab safety @dontpokethegreengiant  
are you still mad about the explosion last week

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
…

betty @bbrant  
is no one gonna question why @peterparkour just had a full on convo with the avengers?

spidey’s gitc @russianhacker  
no

you’re in crisis @callmemj  
no

gWeNdOlYn @gwanda  
no

flash @flashthompson  
obviously what the fuck was that

flash @flashthompson  
how the fuck does penis know them

flash @flashthompson  
whose dick did you suck @peterparkour

fite me @peterparkour  
fuck off flash

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
oh so @flashthompson is the bastard pete told us about

flash @flashthompson  
whatever penis told you is a lie, mr stark. he’s just a nobody

bucket @thecooljames  
a “nobody” with multiple russian assassins on his side. watch your fucking back, kid

i will cut you @blackwidowbaby  
no more bullying our kid

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
or i’ll have my lawyers busting down your door

fite me @peterparkour  
@onespicypepper WHY ARE YOU ALLOWING THIS

Iron Maiden @onespicypepper  
I don’t mind them threatening someone who’s been bullying you, Peter.

betty @bbrant  
jesus fuck he does know them

-

bucket @thecooljames  
steeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeveeeeee. get. twitter.

bucket @thecooljames  
steve is shaking his head

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
#SteveGetTwitter

i will cut you @blackwidowbaby  
#SteveGetTwitter

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
why doesn’t he want twitter anyway

bucket @thecooljames  
he’s too old to understand the subtleties of modern technology #SteveGetTwitter

bite me @peggy  
bullshit #SteveGetTwitter

fite me @peterparkour  
i can get him on twitter but i want something in return

bucket @thecooljames  
message me

Private Message: fite me -> bucket

fite me: i want first pick on three pizza nights

bucket: i’ll consider it.  
bucket: if you get steve on twitter

fite me: already done, bucket

bucket: how the fuck

fite me: don’t say the fuck word around children, bucket

bucket: you are such a little shit

fite me: :D

bucket: seriously how, tho

fite me: puppy dog eyes

bucket: ugh that’s gotta be cheating.

fite me: D:

bucket: fine you can have the pizza

fite me: yay!

bucket @thecooljames  
@i_am_iron_man your kid fucking cheated

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
how

bucket @thecooljames  
he used his fucking puppy eyes on steve to get him on twitter! and now he gets first pick on pizza nights!

American BI @stevengrogers  
I am on Twitter, no? - Steve

bucket @thecooljames  
yeah whatever

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
why did you sign your name

American BI @stevengrogers  
It’s polite, Tony. - Steve

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
not on fucking twitter

American BI @stevengrogers  
I’ll take that into consideration. - Steve

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
@thecooljames come get your mans and teach him the twitter way

bucket @thecooljames  
k

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> steve is friends with captain holt confirmed  
> leave a comment & let me know what you think!  
> XO, Emmeline


	3. harley fucks with everyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> harley's a little shit, and nat gets a new nickname

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so quarantine madness is setting in.....we love.  
> might do an entire chapter about peter sitting in random-ass places seeing as i sat on top of my dresser and my fridge today :/  
> enjoy the insanity!

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
hehehehehehehehe

biderman @the_spider-man  
harley

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
hehehehehehehehehehe

biderman @the_spider-man  
harls why are you doing your evil laugh

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE

biderman @the_spider-man  
harls you’re s c a r i n g m e

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
G L I T T E R

biderman @the_spider-man  
glitter? babe, and i mean this sincerely, what the actual fuck

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
@deathbypotato PREPARE FOR DEATH

Iron Maiden @onespicypepper  
woah woah why are you threatening our child

biderman @the_spider-man  
wait i thought i was your child??

Iron Maiden @onespicypepper  
you’re both our kids. you get to pick who’s the son and who’s the son-in-law

Iron Maiden @onespicypepper  
and Tony I swear to god wHY ARE YOU THREATENING A CHILD

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
HE COVERED MY ARMOR IN HOT PINK GLITTER

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
HEHEHEHEHEHEHEHE

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
wait if he’s still evil-laughing

biderman @the_spider-man  
harls what else do you have planned

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
hehehehehehehehe

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
RUN FOR YOUR LIVES

bucket @thecooljames  
THE KID’S GONNA GET IT

biderman @the_spider-man  
oh my god he got you too bucket???

caw caw bitches @imthefalcon  
@deathbypotato HOW DARE YOU

caw caw bitches @imthefalcon  
YOU PUT GLITTER IN MY WINGS

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
did it shimmer down in a glorious sparkle rain??? cause that’s what i was goin for

caw caw bitches @imthefalcon  
kid you better run

biderman @the_spider-man  
don’t worry babe this one i got on video and it was glorious

i will cut you @blackwidowbaby  
HARLEY I WILL CUT YOU

biderman @the_spider-man  
oh my gOD YOU GOT SPIDER MOM HARLEY RUN

bite me @peggy  
@deathbypotato no need to run. nat is on our bed crying over “spider mom”

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
oh thank god

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
you called?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> as always, let me know what you think! (aka comments give me lifeeeeeeeee [aka i got two comments today and that's the reason i finished this chapter]) i love you all dearly, you're the best readers <3  
> XOXO, Emmeline


	4. GOOSE

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> carol, my lovely lovely wife, shows up. where tHE FUCK IS GOOSE?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah ok i have no excuse for how long this took me. especially since i finished it last week. i am sorry

deaf but not dead @the_lucky_pizza_hawk  
WHERE THE FUCK ARE MY DONUTS

bucket @thecooljames  
maybe your dog ate them

deaf but not dead @the_lucky_pizza_hawk  
IT WAS YOU WASNT IT

bucket @thecooljames  
you can’t prove anything

deaf but not dead @the_lucky_pizza_hawk  
FESS UP BUCKET

bucket @thecooljames  
YOULL NEVER FIND ME

-

carol (2015) @mywifeisapilot  
fury where did you put my cat i swear to god-

fury @fury  
um.

carol (2015) @mywifeisapilot  
WHERE IS MY GODDAMNED CAT FURY

fury @fury  
goose is fine.

carol (2015) @mywifeisapilot  
i will tell them all e x a c t l y how you lost your eye

fury @fury  
well

carol (2015) @mywifeisapilot  
what was it you told steve? “the last time i trusted anyone, i lost an eye”

carol (2015) @mywifeisapilot  
you know i have his number

carol (2015) @mywifeisapilot  
better yet, i could just tweet the story at him

fury @fury  
FINE I GAVE GOOSE TO AREA 51

fury @fury  
HAPPY?

carol (2015) @mywifeisapilot  
YOU PUT MY FUCKING CAT IN AREA 51

fury @fury  
GOOSE IS NOT A FUCKING CAT SHES A WEIRD TENTACLE THING

carol (2015) @mywifeisapilot  
how dare

carol (2015) @mywifeisapilot  
goose is a perfect little angel

fury @fury  
goose is a little shit

carol (2015) @mywifeisapilot  
A PERFECT ANGEL. and i am going to area 51 now

fury @fury  
no please do not

carol (2015) @mywifeisapilot  
why the fuck not

fury @fury  
i beg you to not they’ve already been stormed once

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
@mywifeisapilot you know, i happen to own area 51. we could work out a deal.

Iron Maiden @onespicypepper  
Tony I told you not to buy that.

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
and yet i did

carol (2015) @mywifeisapilot  
get me. my. cat. now.

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
okayy, scary lady, getting cat now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you have any ideas for further shenanigans or things you want to see, drop a comment!  
> love yall so much <3  
> XOXO, Emmeline


	5. PIZZA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SHURI'S HERE! AND MJ
> 
> also steve gets hella drunk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha it didn't take me a month and a half this time! yay
> 
> yes im slightly trash for mj and shuri fight me
> 
> i wonder how many chapter titles are just gonna be five-letter all caps words

fite me @peterparkour  
tonyyyyyy where are my pizzas

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
yeah tony where are his pizzas

carol (2015) @mywifeisapilot  
yeah tony and where is my cat

Iron Maiden @onespicypepper  
Tony feed the children. And find the cat.

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
I AM WORKING ON IT OKAY

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
I HAVE THE PIZZAS AND I HAVE THE CATDJNWIDJJIJB

carol (2015) @mywifeisapilot  
so like does he have goose or no?

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
QSWEVBNSDLJNfgvbhwaszlkB mjHVMNA

fite me @peterparkour  
pepper what’s going on

Iron Maiden @onespicypepper  
I think the cat is tweeting.

carol (2015) @mywifeisapilot  
MY SMART KITTY

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
imma teach goose to spell

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
PLEASE DO NOT

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
I HAVE RECLAIMED MY PHONE

fite me @peterparkour  
………….pizzas?

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
in five minutes, kid.

fite me @peterparkour  
YAY!

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
you’re adorable

-

ah shit here we go again @princess  
SAVE ME A PIZZA @peterparkour

fite me @peterparkour  
SHURI

ah shit here we go again @princess  
PIZZA

fite me @peterparkour  
i gotchu

fite me @peterparkour  
when u gonna get here?

ah shit here we go again @princess  
bitch gimme a sec

ah shit here we go again @princess  
k open up

fite me @peterparkour  
YAY YOURE HERE

fite me @peterparkour  
MOVIE TIME

-

American BI @stevengrogers  
buckyyy iss soo cute ajkish

American BI @stevengrogers  
that ASSSSS

bucket @thecooljames  
who got steve drunk and/or high

seductive lord of thunder @sparklefingers  
SORRYYY

seductive lord of thunder @sparklefingers  
IN MY DEFENSE I TOO AM VEERYY DRUNK

seductive lord of thunder @sparklefingers  
@dontpokethegreengiant honeeyy

seductive lord of thunder @sparklefingers  
@dontpokethegreengiant CUTIE

bucket @thecooljames  
ok @dontpokethegreengiant i’ll get my mans and u get yours??

screw lab safety @dontpokethegreengiant  
on my way

American BI @stevengrogers  
BUCKET I LOVE YOU

bucket @thecooljames  
steven go to bed

American BI @stevengrogers  
ok

American BI @stevengrogers  
but i love you

bucket @thecooljames  
aaaand im taking your phone. go to sleep.

bucket @thecooljames  
...love you too.

-

you’re in crisis @callmemj  
@peterparkour BITCH UR HAVIN A MOVIE NIGHT W SHURI WITHOUT ME

you’re in crisis @callmemj  
I KNOW HARLEY IS THERE SO SHURI NEEDS SOMEONE TOO

fite me @peterparkour  
okok jeez come on over

fite me @peterparkour  
and don’t think i don’t see u and ur heart eyes

you’re in crisis @callmemj  
idk what the fuck you’re talking about

fite me @peterparkour  
uh huh

you’re in crisis @callmemj  
leave me alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i love y'all so much!!! if you have any ideas for shenanigans, tell me in the comments!  
> XOXO,  
> Emmeline


	6. some brief brooklyn nine-nine cameos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sorry if y'all don't watch b99 (you shOULD)
> 
> if you do, enjoy the cameos :)

ah shit here we go again @princess  
@callmemj hey

you’re in crisis @callmemj  
@princess hey

ah shit here we go again @princess  
@callmemj hey

you’re in crisis @callmemj  
@princess hey

fite me @peterparkour  
can yall just kiss please

you’re in crisis @callmemj  
shut up parker

ah shit here we go again @princess  
can we tho

you’re in crisis @callmemj  
course we can

-

peralta you’re a genius @coolcoolnodoubt  
@the_spider-man dude can you,,,,,,,,,,,stop breaking into the precinct and leaving bananas on my desk. please

biderman @the_spider-man  
that’s not me what are you talking about

peralta you’re a genius @coolcoolnodoubt  
so there’s another guy who wears your suit and a shitty mit sweatshirt everywhere???? we have cameras

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
excuse yOU that is NOT A SHITTY SWEATSHIRT

peralta you’re a genius @coolcoolnodoubt  
@ames hOLY SHIT DID TONY STARK JUST TALK TO ME

Amy Santiago @ames  
you’re such a dork i love you

Cpt. Raymond Holt, 99th Precinct @c0r3281jw6h  
Dear Peralta,  
I believe he did.  
Signed, Raymond Holt

biderman @the_spider-man  
ok so im just gonna

peralta you’re a genius @coolcoolnodoubt  
no NO STOP LEAVING THE BANANAS

biderman @the_spider-man  
:)

-

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
(goose.jpg) I’M TEACHING HER TO SPELL

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
no wHY

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
because it scares you :)

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
next im going to teach her how to operate twitter

carol (2015) @mywifeisapilot  
you are now my second favorite kid

fite me @peterparkour  
hEY THAT’S MY SPOT

carol (2015) @mywifeisapilot  
teach my pretty kitty some cool tricks and we’ll see about restoring your title

genius billionaire playboy philanthropist @i_am_iron_man  
that thing is SCARY NOT PRETTY

gar(b)age boy @deathbypotato  
*GASP*

carol (2015) @mywifeisapilot  
SHE IS NOT A THING SHE IS MY PRETTY KITTY FLERKEN


End file.
